This week we talked about divorce and
remarriage. I have been infinitely blessed not to have a firsthand experience
with either of these. That is not to say that they are bad but it is not the
ideal. Marriage is meant to last not to be cut short. There was a study done of
people who are been divorced and they were asked if they should have or could
have saved their marriage. 70% of those people said that they should have or
could have saved their marriage. A lot of what can happen to cause problems is
the perception of incompatibility. Another study preformed sited that divorced
couples have 10 areas of incompatibility. But so do couples who stay married. So
what is the difference between staying married and not?
Some of the things that we discussed this
week in class was how important communication is. Have you ever noticed that in
a lot of movies the big conflict is due to a miscommunication? Learning how to
communicate with other people can be one of the most challenging things in this
life. I could say something and the person who I said it to, took it the wrong
way because of an experience that they have had in their past. Then they get
really mad at me for bringing up a sore subject, when I really had no idea that
I had. It’s not really anyone’s fault but it does cause problems. So is the
answer to just keep your mouth shut for the rest of your life so as to never
have any verbal communication with any one so therefore you could never have
any miscommunication with some one? No. In fact the best way to get better as
communicating is to practice communicating. It takes patience and hard work to
become a better communicator. It doesn’t come easy. So when you first get
married it’s important to let your spouse know your expectations and to listen
to their expectations. You actually should do this before you get married. Sooner
is always better than later. Another thing to keep in mind is it’s not just a onetime
thing. It is a constant every day thing. Good communication can prevent a lot
of heartache and miss understandings.
With all of this said, I am not saying that
people who have been divorced are bad and horrible people. They have made their
choices and must live with them. I’m saying that whether you are dealing with
your biological family or a step family, good communication is the key. My teacher,
who is a marriage and family therapist, has seen this work many times. He has
couples with children come to him so set on divorce. He usually tells them that
they can divorce if they want to but that they still need to work together for
the sake of the children, which requires good, healthy communication. Many times
as the parents have worked through the process of separating together, they end
up working through their problems together and no longer wish to divorce. Communication
goes a long way.
It is very natural to want to yell and
scream when things go wrong. That is what naturally occurs. But how much better
off is everybody else when we are able to stop that natural tendency and speak
kindly instead? So next time you feel the urge to yell and scream, remove
yourself from the situation so you can calm down and approach it in a different
way. Speak kindly. Focus on your feelings. Don’t blame or point fingers. Just state
facts, calmly. Even if the other person doesn’t act the same, continue to show
calmness, patience and love. It’ll all work out. Practice makes perfect. Love and
respect make all the difference.
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