Love and Dating

So I have always thought that I would fall in love with my future husband when I found him. But here’s the thing, what does “falling in love” mean? In class this week we explored the different kinds of love. For me I realized that I was looking at current and future relationships all wrong. “One does not simply walk into to Mordor” I mean fall in love. The true deep kind of love that I am looking for doesn’t happen at first site. The kind of love I want to have in a relationship with a spouse is deep and abiding and can change for good over time. There were four types of love we talked about and the best kind of love that everyone should want is the combination of all four. All of them come from Greek. The first one is Storge. This is affection found between parent and child. Why on earth would you want to feel that way about a spouse? Well let’s think about it. It’s not so much that you look at them as a child or parent but you would literally do anything to help them. You purpose in their live is to help them be better. I do not have children and I cannot fully explain this deep kind of love. The next one is Philia. This is the love that exists between friends. There is a saying that says, “Love is being married to your best friend.” I love that idea of marrying a best friend. A friend who is always there for you and you can always be there for them. It’s just so wonderful. Another one is Eros. This is the love that most people talk about when they think of falling in love. This is love that can be sexually driven. It can also be called romantic love. Which is important in a relationship between spouses but not the only thing. The last is Agape. This is the love that most people define as charity. That love for everyone and anyone whether you know them or not. This is the love that inspires people to serve others with no thought of themselves. Which is absolutely important in a marriage. Selflessness.

Now that I’ve talked about love, I want to talk about dating. Most people when they think of dating they really are thinking about the word courtship. There is a difference. Courtship is when you become serious and are thinking about the possibility that this person could be your mate. Whereas dating is a casual exploration of the choices for a mate. Dating should be looked at less seriously in the world today. It is a really good idea to just go on dates with a lot of people and even a couple with one person before you move into the courtship side of things. I feel like my generation is scared of dates. We all have this attitude of “going on one date means I have to marry them.” Which is completely ridiculous. But that is what most people are thinking when they hear the word date. Dating is still a little bit scary for me but it’s becoming less so. I have changed the way that I look at it. I have made a goal to just have fun and go on lots of date until I find someone that works really well with me and we go on more dates until we move into courtship and then for me that is when the physical affection will begin. I feel like while dating it is more about building a good friendship then expressing physical attraction. When you get more serious and into the courtship phase I feel like that is when physical affection can start. That is just based off of my experiences and those around me.

It’s just interesting to think about. How do you love? How can you improve or strengthen your love? Is dating really that scary? Can I just have fun and make friends while dating? Yes!!! And in my opinion it is the better option.